My Partner Is Paranoid - Tips On Handling Baggage From A Partner’s Previous Relationship/Experience
There is a reason why it didn’t work out with your EX. Most times, we are saddled with trust issues, anger, fear, low self-esteem etc. While many of us may feel suspicious, rejected, excluded or hypersensitive from time to time, relationship baggage transfers due to previous relationship issues can be a monumental problem. It is painful for the paranoid person and heart breaking for the accused/recipient. Both parties have a role to play. Most important key in a blooming relationship is the ability to be observant and sensitive.
This is my two-piece on how to deal with such situation:
Communication: Living or being in a relationship with a person who eavesdrops, feels rejected for no reason, seeks endless reassurance (but is never reassured), sneaks into private communications, and makes false accusations takes a toll. Communicating how you feel about certain situations is vital to your sanity. There can never be TOO MUCH communication. When someone truly loves you, they LISTEN and REASSURE!
Build Trust By Being Accessible: Guess we are familiar with these words: “Who is that person you have been chatting with?” “Why are you talking about me behind my back?” “You are having dinner with someone else and leaving me out!” etc. The list can be UN ending. Be accessible to your partner as this will help build trust. Answer your calls in his/her presence, inform your partner about your whereabout, volunteer an explanation for missing a call etc. When someone truly loves you, they INCLUDE and not EXCLUDE you in every facet of their lives! You don’t have to beg for it.
Ask questions: Never make a decision based on assumptions. Ask questions and get clarification. The need to retaliate against your partner is just a waste of time as it keeps causing hurts, quarrels and in turn could turn you in. If you truly love this person, then it is worth giving their baggage a second chance for change. Else, why wait when bad communication always corrupt good manners. The deep will always call into the deep.
Being Sincere: Be open and honest when asked about your past, but be careful not to give out too much too early, because people might use it against you. But how do we know whom to trust? It’s all about taking risks and choosing whom to open up to and at what stage of the relationship.
Be Steadfast: Be open about what you want and stick to it. Let your words match your actions. Always be willing to offer an explanation when the contrary is the case. Never allow your partner build up ideas in their head. There is a thin line between being REAL and making a MESS!
Finding and keeping your soul mate could be that one move of having to leave that one person who keeps venting, looking back, and comparing you with their exes. If you cannot deal, please take the next available flight to ‘I am single and ready to mingle’ island.
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P:S – Learn to love your partner how they want to be loved NOT how you want to be loved. Go read ‘5 love languages by Gary Chapman’.
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